Friday, May 11, 2012

Washing The Feet Of Judas~

There have been times that I have questioned if God could really give me a gift for photography to use for His purpose....What could taking pictures of people & things possibly have to do with "His purpose"....But when I find myself looking through my camera lense.... I see things through a whole different perspective. And sometimes.... it reminds me, if I just stopped looking at things through my perspective I might just see the world through His eyes and learn to be more like Him. I am absolutely obsessed with my kid's hands and feet. From the time they were born I loved to kiss them and yes photograph them. No matter how dirty, sweaty, or smelly they get.....they are absolutely beautiful to me! I was taking pictures of my kids the other day and there feet were all lined up and without even thinking I started photographing them. When I was flipping back through all the pictures I had taken I came across the feet pictures....and almost like Jesus in the movie "Passion of the Christ" I had this vision of Jesus washing the feet of all His disciples. Granted...they are not baby feet....and back then those feet were not pretty and protected by the shoes we now have today. So many of us have heard this story....and know that it teaches us humility and love for people. BUT....what most people forget is that JUDAS the man that betrayed Jesus was amoung those disciples.....Jesus without hesitation removed his garmets and washed the feet of the very man that would betray Him....and He did so with the same passion and love he had for the other disciples. This convicts me straight to the core of my soul. It has weighed so heavy on my spirit and I just cannot get it out of my mind. Can I do that? I feel like I can't. I can feel the Holy Spirit telling me to forgive and wash the feet of those who gossip and slander me~ BUT my flesh ~ sometimes it seems to take over. I want the heart of Jesus.... how can I beat my flesh into submission and keep myself from throwing stones in my massive defense mode. I am hurting and I am ready to throw people out of my life and move on.....but this scripture will not leave my spirit. :o(

Saturday, March 12, 2011

You Don't Have To Live In The Shadows

Recently, I read this from a book written by Neil T. Anderson. It's a quote that I go to in times of despair and brokenness. I did share with a few people, but often wonder if there are more out there who need to feel God close. The book is called "Breaking The Bondage" and I am sure everyone could use some bondage breaking.I hope this ministers to someone as much as it does me in my times of despair.

Page 17~

Dear God,

Where are you? How can you watch and not help me? I hurt so bad, and you don't care. If you cared you'd make it stop or let me die. I love You, but You seem so far away. I can't hear You, or see You, or feel You, but I am supposed to believe You're here. Lord I feel them. They are here. I know You are real, God, but they are more real to me right now. Please make someone believe me, Lord. Why won't You make it stop. Please Lord, please! If You love me, just let me die.

A Lost Sheep

Page 28~

My Dear Lost Sheep,

You ask Me where I am child. My child, I am with you, and I always will be. You are weak, but in Me you are strong. I love you so much that I cannot let you die! I am so close to you that I can feel everything you feel.

I know what you are going through, for I am going through it with you. But I have set you free and you must stand firm. You do not need to die physically for my enemies to be gone, but be crucified with Me and I will live in you and you shall live with Me. I will direct you in paths of righteousness. My child, I love you and I will never forsake you, for you are truly Mine.


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Earaches And Heartache...

My little man, Noah Keith, out of no where this evening came down with a painful ear ache. Tears streaming down his face he gripped his ear crying, "Mommy it hurts." His weeping just crushed my heart. This was a "boo boo" I knew my kiss would not fix. Even at the age of 7 he was not too old for me to scoop up into my arms and hold close. You moms out there with little boys or girls know exactly what I am talking about ;o) I just cannot explain the miserable feeling I had tonight watching him hurt. While driving home, my anxiety grew listening to him whimper in pain. All I could think about was getting him home and getting him some pain reliever. Each cry was so heavy on my heart and brought me to tears.

Through all of this tonight I couldn't help but reflect on the love God has for His people. The heaviness my heart felt for Noah tonight....over the pain he felt in his ear....I just cannot imagine the heaviness the Creator feels for His children who have "aching hearts". As much as I know God loves me, this humbles me greatly. Noah longed for me, his mom, to hold him and comfort him through his pain. How much more does our Abba Father long for us to run to Him when we hurt physically, emotionally, or spiritually. My heart is thankful tonight. I am humbled to know I am never alone and that my God hurts when I hurt and longs for me to take comfort in Him. He like me, is blessed to hold his child, even when it is the minor things in life, like an earache. Whenever you doubt the love of your God....think of how much you love your children and the depths you would go through to bring them comfort.
I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with God's presence, and no matter how much I KNOW something to be true, when God shows up and reveals Himself to me, it is always a NEW and refreshing feeling that I just cannot get enough of...and He always leaves me hungry for more.

Friday, November 19, 2010


I am not sure where my fascination with Animal Planet has come from, but it seems like whenever I am relaxing in my nice comfy bed channel surfing my television, quite often I find myself glued into some animal documentary on channel 34. Who knows, maybe that had something to do with the infamous "possum dream" and why God seems to reveal His love to me through animals that normally would have no significance to me otherwise. I have asked God for more dreams...but it has been silent in my world of dreaming....but every night I find myself still excited that just maybe....just maybe He will speak to me again.

Anyhow, I recently was channel surfing while waiting for Rusty to get home from work and I came to a zebra documentary on Animal Planet. Glued in intently....I watched this Hyena on the prowl looking to find something for lunch. He came across a herd of Zebras...and antagonized them a bit....but he knew he was no match for a Zebra. One Swift quick would be enough to knock him unconscious. But out of the corner of his eye, he noticed far off in the distance was a straggler. This zebra was wounded with a limp leg. I don't know if it was broke or not, but he put hardly any weight on it. But, he was having a hard time keeping up with the rest of the herd and was falling behind. This hyena saw an opportunity for lunch! So, he makes his way over to this Zebra and starts nipping at it, antagonizing it trying to get it down. This "wounded zebra" still was pretty powerful and the hyena knew he would not be able to take it down alone. So he made a call for the other hyenas. This "wounded zebra" stood NO chance against 4 or 5 hyenas. There was no way for him to overcome them. His fate was sealed. The pack of hyenas start luring and bullying this defenseless zebra farther and farther away from the herd of Zebras. He was going to be their lunch. BUT! Then, when all hope was lost, off in the distance, in the herd of Zebras stood 2 zebras watching and they saw what was happening. They both come CHARGING after these hyenas in the "wounded zebras" defense. The mean hyena's take the hint that this wounded zebra has back up.....and they flee!

Out of nowhere I had this heavy feeling hit me....I couldn't help but see this "wounded zebra" as SO many "wounded Christians". Beautiful followers of Christ who hold so much potential, but at some point in their walk, they were wounded, and it has affected their walk making it difficult to keep up with other believers. Falling farther and farther behind. And like the hyena, the enemy of God comes lurking to make lunch out of the "wounded"....because he knows he stands no chance against a fully armored Christian.

One thing I noticed during all this, was the 2 zebras that came to the "wounded zebras" defense. They were surrounded by thousands of other zebras. Some were witnessing what was happening to the the wounded and others were oblivious. I am sure some of them watched mortified, thinking "awwww poor guy" or "I can't believe this happening, somebody do something!" The body of Christ at times I think, sits by and feels horrible for the wounded. But just sitting by feeling bad, but not charging the hyenas does the wounded no good. It doesn't bring them back safely to the herd. It won't save their life! That wounded zebra is only alive because of the 2 that acted and charged the enemy who was attacking a part of their herd. This has made me wonder about myself. I know my heart says to charge and defend the wounded. I can be bold and preach this til I am blue in the face. But too many times, I find myself thinking "It's too risky"...or maybe "I should probably just mind my own business". BUT...then the nasty side of me thinks..."That zebra wounded itself out of its own ignorance and arrogant thinking. It's the dumb zebras fault for breaking its own leg" Ugh...I know I am pitiful, but I am just being honest for those who may be thinking I write this out of a "higher than thou" "bible thumping" attitude. There are people in the body who are only wounded out of their own doing and then expect others to fight their battles for them. When it comes to dealing with the consequences of what they have done or spewed....and nobody comes to their defense.....they pout that they are an outcast and the church has failed them! I am sure I am the ONLY heathen who lets their mind take this route right? Why should I come to a wounded zebras defense over and over and over again.....when it keeps breaking its leg and throwing itself in a pack of hyenas?

Shame on me right? I feel this way at times. But them 2 zebras in this documentary gave no thought to whether or not the wounded deserved it. It gave no thought to its own life, but CHARGED the enemy full force. I even saw the defensive zebras give the wounded zebra a love tap on the neck (almost like a hug) to let him know they were their and had his back....and to keep "truckin" along. I have to ask God to forgive me for not showing mercy and compassion to the wounded like I should. Deserving or not.

A different analogy, so often we drive by those who hold a sign at the end of street corner....saying they are homeless and need help with money, food, etc.......Be honest.....what is the first thing you think? What is the first thing that comes to your mind that keeps you from stopping to give them whats in your wallet? Be honest......"They will just spend it on booze"? "They are lying"? "You just don't know if they REALLY need or deserve it"?

The bible says to give and to give generously....not just to the nice family whose house burned down losing everything they own. Not just to the sweet family who lost their house in a tornado....It says to give to ANY and ALL who are in need....those who are in need and those who DON'T deserve it. Jesus said "what reward is their in loving only those who love you back". So my little "why help the zebra who breaks it own leg continually" theory.....God pretty much makes it clear.

The moral point of the story....Be bold! Help the wounded and defenseless. Deserving or not. The church has got to stop preaching forgiveness and compassion and start acting on it. We have sooooo many hurting and wounded in the body....we have to have a healthy body (zebra herd) to be effective for the kingdom of God. Leave the thousand and go save that one "wounded zebra"!!!!

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Possum Dream

I know with my last blog that I wrote "What's Your Purpose", everyone is just dying to know about my possum dream comment. I was never too sure about sharing this dream, lol. But, I find myself going back to it often....even MONTHS after having it. So, if you are wondering what in the world I am talking about, go back and read "What's Your Purpose?". Both dreams were back to back.

January 28th I journaled .....

.......My dream began on a farm....or something like that. There was a barn with a small waterhole next to it. There was this possum laying above the waterhole somehow and she was in the process of having babies and everytime she moved these babies would drop into this waterhole and begin to drown. The water was dirty and I was not able to see through it. I frantically searched for these babies reaching as far as I could into the water to grab them out. This sounds so bizaare I know.....but I cannot describe the "desire" I felt to save these guys. There were so many babies falling into the waterhole. I don't remember ever stopping the search for these babies but remember finally reaching one. And yes, gave it CPR.

Then my dream shifted. I don't know where I was....but I had this possum by my side at all times. I don't know if it was a pet or something, but I had a lot of love for her. She was soft and in my eyes so beautiful. (Ok if you are laughing I understand, but I really did care about her). She was so soft and I really enjoyed her company. Everyone around me gasped when they saw me with her. I kept telling them she was so sweet and they should just give her a chance....but they continued to make hurtful comments about how gross she was and that she was just a gross possum and nobody befriended a rodant.

The one thing that stuck out in my mind before giving this dream any thought was how much I loved that possum. I look at a real life possum (egh they are not that bad when you look at them) ....but in my dream she was beautiful and I just couldn't understand why nobody else saw what I saw. God? Is this what you feel towards me? People in the world see my faults and shortcommings and at times see my "ugliness". But You....You see such beauty and potential. People may snicker at what they see in me, but You....You wonder why they cannot see me thru Your eyes. I saw past the prickly nose and nasty teeth of a possum and You see thru my failures and weaknesses. Am I not supposed to see the other possums out in the world thru Your eyes as well? Past their "ugly features" and see what you have created them to be. Love them beyond all measure? I fall short terribly with this and human nature tends to get the best of me. I tend to judge the outter appearance instead of looking at the heart. Although who but You can know the heart or judge the heart of any man. So silly a dream like this would remind me of the depth of Your love. And like the water hole and the babies that were drowning....and the baby I saved.....Is that not the measure You would go thru to save me or anyone You love? Never giving up....No depth of water would be too much for You to rescue me and not once would you just let me drown. Once drowning in my sin, You breathed new life into my soul and now I live because You live in me. Thank You Lord for loving an ugly possum like myself.

God is good to me. I love Him and only share my heart because I want other's to see themselves and others thru God's eyes. He loves us so much and sees nothing but perfection and beauty.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Operation Potty Training....SUCCESS!!!

Well, it has been a couple of weeks and the day I have so graciously and anxiously awaited for IS HERE! Bye Bye diapers...Hello big girl panties :o) Thank you Jesus!