The Possum Dream

I know with my last blog that I wrote "What's Your Purpose", everyone is just dying to know about my possum dream comment. I was never too sure about sharing this dream, lol. But, I find myself going back to it often....even MONTHS after having it. So, if you are wondering what in the world I am talking about, go back and read "What's Your Purpose?". Both dreams were back to back.

January 28th I journaled .....

.......My dream began on a farm....or something like that. There was a barn with a small waterhole next to it. There was this possum laying above the waterhole somehow and she was in the process of having babies and everytime she moved these babies would drop into this waterhole and begin to drown. The water was dirty and I was not able to see through it. I frantically searched for these babies reaching as far as I could into the water to grab them out. This sounds so bizaare I know.....but I cannot describe the "desire" I felt to save these guys. There were so many babies falling into the waterhole. I don't remember ever stopping the search for these babies but remember finally reaching one. And yes, gave it CPR.

Then my dream shifted. I don't know where I was....but I had this possum by my side at all times. I don't know if it was a pet or something, but I had a lot of love for her. She was soft and in my eyes so beautiful. (Ok if you are laughing I understand, but I really did care about her). She was so soft and I really enjoyed her company. Everyone around me gasped when they saw me with her. I kept telling them she was so sweet and they should just give her a chance....but they continued to make hurtful comments about how gross she was and that she was just a gross possum and nobody befriended a rodant.

The one thing that stuck out in my mind before giving this dream any thought was how much I loved that possum. I look at a real life possum (egh they are not that bad when you look at them) ....but in my dream she was beautiful and I just couldn't understand why nobody else saw what I saw. God? Is this what you feel towards me? People in the world see my faults and shortcommings and at times see my "ugliness". But You....You see such beauty and potential. People may snicker at what they see in me, but You....You wonder why they cannot see me thru Your eyes. I saw past the prickly nose and nasty teeth of a possum and You see thru my failures and weaknesses. Am I not supposed to see the other possums out in the world thru Your eyes as well? Past their "ugly features" and see what you have created them to be. Love them beyond all measure? I fall short terribly with this and human nature tends to get the best of me. I tend to judge the outter appearance instead of looking at the heart. Although who but You can know the heart or judge the heart of any man. So silly a dream like this would remind me of the depth of Your love. And like the water hole and the babies that were drowning....and the baby I saved.....Is that not the measure You would go thru to save me or anyone You love? Never giving up....No depth of water would be too much for You to rescue me and not once would you just let me drown. Once drowning in my sin, You breathed new life into my soul and now I live because You live in me. Thank You Lord for loving an ugly possum like myself.

..........................
God is good to me. I love Him and only share my heart because I want other's to see themselves and others thru God's eyes. He loves us so much and sees nothing but perfection and beauty.

What's Your Purpose?

This happened quite awhile back ago, but I feel like it is time to share. I am sure there will be those who question my intentions of sharing this...but when you feel led to share something...by God....you sometimes have to set aside the fear of what others will think and do what God tells you. This honestly was something amazing from a personal stand point....and I always hope that just maybe there will be someone out there God wants to hear this. So....here it goes :o)

January 27th 2010....

I had this dream that I woke up lying in a hospital bed. I looked at my wrists and I had on hospital bracelets. Rusty was lying next to me with his arm around me. I asked him, "Why am I here?" He gave me this unsettling look that made me panick, but would not answer and looked away. He would not speak. I kept asking over and over, "Why am I here?" "Did I have a baby or something?" He would only look away with this sad face. I had that horrible feeling in my stomach something was wrong but NOBODY would answer me. My mother in law came into the room with Ruthi, my youngest daughter. I ran to her asking her, "Do you know why I am here?" She replied the exact same way Rusty did. Nothing! I was beginning to become furious by now along with panicked. Nobody would tell me why I was there. Rusty and Atha took Roo and our belongings down to the car for load up. I was up at the front desk going to check out of the hospital. I asked the lady up front if she could PLEASE tell me why I was there. She kindly said "yes" and started clicking away at her computer. And then that is when I woke up!

This was one of those dreams that bugged me the entire day...trying to figure out the answer to. I wouldn't say it depressed me....but I had a very unsettling feeling that just wouldn't go away. Even though I considered it one of those crazy "mind games" your brain takes you through in your sleep....I mean, the night before this dream, I was on some farm giving CPR to a drowning possum. Ha! My mind is known for going crazy places.

A couple days later I went to worship team practice and shared with my sister in law about this hospital dream. Expecting a few laughs and "your weird" comments...she really responded in a way that I least expected. Her response went along the lines of "I really think those type of dreams mean something." I chuckled thinking what could it possibly mean? She said "Maybe in this dream it is like you are searching for your purpose. Searching frantically and asking everyone "why am I here" but the answer isn't there...when you really should be asking the only "Person" Who can answer." When she said all this, I honestly felt like crying. I know this might sound cliche` but I got this weird tingly feeling from head to toe. I instantly remembered a recent prayer I had prayed the night before. Asking God to show me my purpose. Asking Him "Why am I here". I was a tad bit discouraged that day, but I really was longing to feel needed and useful. I don't think Kristian had any intention of making her comment a "spiritual" comment or interpretation of my dream. But I do not doubt God used her to show me that He does have me here for a reason and that He is speaking to me daily...even in my dreams. If I learned anything from this particular dream, it is that I need to quit trying to find my purpose through others. People, including my children, cannot give me the answers or purpose I need. It's my Heavenly Father.

On an ending note, I did ask my sister in law, "Well, what do you make out of my reviving a dead possum dream the night before?" She laughed and said "I don't know about that one." Little did I know, there was signifigant meaning to this dream as well. But I will write about this one in a seperate entry later.