This happened quite awhile back ago, but I feel like it is time to share. I am sure there will be those who question my intentions of sharing this...but when you feel led to share something...by God....you sometimes have to set aside the fear of what others will think and do what God tells you. This honestly was something amazing from a personal stand point....and I always hope that just maybe there will be someone out there God wants to hear this. So....here it goes :o)
January 27th 2010....
I had this dream that I woke up lying in a hospital bed. I looked at my wrists and I had on hospital bracelets. Rusty was lying next to me with his arm around me. I asked him, "Why am I here?" He gave me this unsettling look that made me panick, but would not answer and looked away. He would not speak. I kept asking over and over, "Why am I here?" "Did I have a baby or something?" He would only look away with this sad face. I had that horrible feeling in my stomach something was wrong but NOBODY would answer me. My mother in law came into the room with Ruthi, my youngest daughter. I ran to her asking her, "Do you know why I am here?" She replied the exact same way Rusty did. Nothing! I was beginning to become furious by now along with panicked. Nobody would tell me why I was there. Rusty and Atha took Roo and our belongings down to the car for load up. I was up at the front desk going to check out of the hospital. I asked the lady up front if she could PLEASE tell me why I was there. She kindly said "yes" and started clicking away at her computer. And then that is when I woke up!
This was one of those dreams that bugged me the entire day...trying to figure out the answer to. I wouldn't say it depressed me....but I had a very unsettling feeling that just wouldn't go away. Even though I considered it one of those crazy "mind games" your brain takes you through in your sleep....I mean, the night before this dream, I was on some farm giving CPR to a drowning possum. Ha! My mind is known for going crazy places.
A couple days later I went to worship team practice and shared with my sister in law about this hospital dream. Expecting a few laughs and "your weird" comments...she really responded in a way that I least expected. Her response went along the lines of "I really think those type of dreams mean something." I chuckled thinking what could it possibly mean? She said "Maybe in this dream it is like you are searching for your purpose. Searching frantically and asking everyone "why am I here" but the answer isn't there...when you really should be asking the only "Person" Who can answer." When she said all this, I honestly felt like crying. I know this might sound cliche` but I got this weird tingly feeling from head to toe. I instantly remembered a recent prayer I had prayed the night before. Asking God to show me my purpose. Asking Him "Why am I here". I was a tad bit discouraged that day, but I really was longing to feel needed and useful. I don't think Kristian had any intention of making her comment a "spiritual" comment or interpretation of my dream. But I do not doubt God used her to show me that He does have me here for a reason and that He is speaking to me daily...even in my dreams. If I learned anything from this particular dream, it is that I need to quit trying to find my purpose through others. People, including my children, cannot give me the answers or purpose I need. It's my Heavenly Father.
On an ending note, I did ask my sister in law, "Well, what do you make out of my reviving a dead possum dream the night before?" She laughed and said "I don't know about that one." Little did I know, there was signifigant meaning to this dream as well. But I will write about this one in a seperate entry later.
